The Mommy Struggle.. Moms need fun too!
As a First Time Mom, you aren’t sure half of the time if what you are feeling or doing is normal. Our strength, confidence and internal compass lead the way as we explore often times very unfamiliar situations. I can say in all of the reading, conversations, internet searching I did, no where did it prepare me for where to find advice and how to desiminate what I was feeling. Its amazing how when you break free and confide in other mom’s how much is really unspoken. Well I am here to say, it is absolutely okay. Even if you aren’t a First Time Mom there is bound to be new emotions and experiences with each child.
The Mommy Struggle is real. Yes you hear this all the time often because we aren’t communicating what we really want to say. Almost like a pact, pinky promise, the nod from across the room that we just know. We may not be single moms, and we absolutely respect those that are as we cannot imagine the strength because there are some days we can catch a glimpse.
So here it is, I am going to say it. Sometimes, being a mom is not fair. I suggest saying it to yourself, it feels almost freeing.
In speaking with my friends about some of the new emotions I am having as a mom and level setting my sanity it would seem I am not alone. This leads me to believe that where our society has evolved to socially recognize and support the working mom and a two income family lifestyle, the psychological emotional state of traditional parenting and womanly duties still exists.
As a Mother we take on a lot of new responsibilities which most of us wouldn’t trade for anything but how do we adjust mentally to these when we are working and in a traditional relationship where you are maintaining the household “Household COO.” Sure, I have talked about how I manage my time effectively but what about our mental stamina and emotions. Our emotions are already a roller coaster already so why not add more?
Here is a working moms, household COO typical day; you wake up, take your little one to daycare, work 9 hours, pick up your little one, cook dinner, have your evening routine for your little one, clean the dishes, clean around the house and prepare for your next day. This routine unless previously discussed and agreed upon is the expectation. When you ask someone for support with this there is often a feeling of failure that can come along as you tell yourself you are super woman and can accomplish this daily. When you do have the support you need to show appreciation and thanks or that support will not continue. Again, as the woman and household COO this is the expectation.
When you are in a relationship as a mother we think things will be 50/50 and together you will be able to accomplish what is needed. Often times, that is not the case.
The working father typical day; you wake up, get ready for work, enjoy a few minutes with the little one, head to work, work 9 hours, head to the gym, work late, run some needed errands, come home for dinner spend a little time with the little one possibly take part in the evening routine and go to bed. In some instances it might be a call from happy hour with co-workers stating they will be a few hours late….
The expectation as a father/significant other is the removal of expectation. When as the mother we are asking for a night off or help with something hoping he doesn’t have other plans or is able to assist. This is why you hear of “mommy time” “mommy juice” “mommy groups” all a necessary part to mentally sustain your sanity.
Sure, many of you are saying this is awful or oh my gosh she knows how I am feeling and for those of you who can relate, why is this such a hush hush topic? I can only assume that society still leaves the notion of traditional parenting. How do we break free from that and maintain ultimately what is our sanity. I don’t know about you but the new grey hair, wrinkles, aging spots, constant fatigue, and overwhelming urge to take an all-inclusive vacation constantly doesn’t look appealing on me.
Meanwhile, I will continue to confide in my mommy friends, seek much needed mommy time, limit my consumption of mommy juice, and find some rockstar mommy groups that have this figured out!
The struggle is real – treat yourself!